How I Nearly Got Taken Out by a Tree in Paris

They finally cut them back!

After a not‑so‑great stretch in the U.K. with my ex, I figured a change of scenery might help, so I tried another approach: Paris. City of love! what could possibly go wrong? It was my first time in the city, and honestly, how can anyone be cranky there? She found a way. Meanwhile, I was taking in the history, the long Haussmann boulevards, everything lined up perfectly, all of it pointing toward something awesome. We ended up on the Champs‑Élysées, heading toward the Arc de Triomphe on one of those open‑top bus tours, doing the full first‑timer routine.

I was taking pictures when she looked at me and said, “Hey idiot, why don’t you stand up and get a clearer shot?” So I did. And right then the bus dipped under a stretch of oak branches that definitely weren’t trimmed. They smacked me across the head, snapping and spraying everywhere — people ducking, leaves flying, the whole top deck turning into a mess. I actually stumbled back so hard I almost ended up in the lap of the guy behind me. Not exactly the Paris moment you dream about.

It didn’t help that the U.K. portion of the trip had already gone sideways. The low point was pulling the rental over, getting out, and sitting on a large rock staring at the North Sea, wondering if I was losing it. All because we couldn’t find my grandmother’s house in Withernsea fast enough bearing in mind im in a foreign country, 1st time driving. That whole trip soured a place I used to love, so much that I re‑did the exact route a year later with my eldest son just to reset it.

Funny thing is, I ended up going back to Paris a few times with Sandy, and loved every bit of it. Same city, same boulevard, same Arc — but a completely different experience. Even the trees along the Champs‑Élysées were trimmed way back by then, like the city had quietly fixed the exact thing that took me out years earlier. Amazing how the place

stays the same, but who you’re with changes everything.